Counting

 

It’s feels strange to be counting the rest of my life in weeks and days and curling games on TV. While we haven’t finalized the date for MAiD we are aiming for early November. Some examples…

Last week, confirmation of my cataract surgery arrived by mail with a date later in November. Nope. I won’t be here for that.

A couple of days ago, a friend and former colleague dropped off some cookies and stayed for a brief visit. She said she would be out of province for about six weeks. As she was leaving, she said she would see me later. Nope. I won’t be here when you get back.

The other evening I was asked why I was staying up so late. I replied that I was watching a women’s curling game and for me there were just a few games left in my life to watch so I was staying up.

And all of a sudden it doesn’t feel as if there is enough time to make sure all the other things are looked after. One major item has been checked off the list: organizing and pre-paying for cremation. All I needed was for my body to be picked up by the funeral home and taken to the crematorium to do what they do there. My ashes would then be put into a compostable container to be shared among family. It's certainly not inexpensive. Almost $4,400 taxes in. There are a number of other things on the ’before death’ list and I'll try to get to as many as I can.

A big part of me doesn’t feel so bad about exiting stage left at this time what with the COVID pandemic and associated anti-vax types; climate change causing hurricanes to pulverize my island with climate-change deniers chirping on the side; whack-job politicians who have decided truth doesn’t matter anymore; governments not looking out for the people they are supposed to protect; and even people in the community who are so self-centred they no longer see things like vaccines and mask mandates as their communal responsibility. I don’t know what’s happening, but I know we’re headed in the wrong direction as a society.

I see the Earth as a living, breathing organism. We should be doing everything in our power to protect this planet, but humanity has become the virus that is killing the Earth. Earth has been around a lot longer than humans and whatever happens it will outlast us.

And yet there is the other part of me that wants more time with some very important people in my life, especially my Mary. So many have shown so much generosity towards me. And, I really would like to see how things turn out. It’s my insatiable curiosity and the optimistic part of me that believes human intelligence, common sense, and empathy will eventually overpower the idiocracy. 

You, who have been accompanying me on this journey, are the kind of people we need in charge. You can turn this bus around. I hope you do it.