Skip to main content

Time is running out


The sand in the hourglass measuring the remaining time in my life is running out.

 

The past couple of days have been very difficult. My energy is low. My breathing more laboured. I have by times felt nauseous at the thought of eating. Overall I have never felt so weak. My body is shutting down.

 

------------------------

"The mystery of life isn't a problem to solve, but a reality to experience." Frank Herbert, Dune

------------------------

 

I know there is a time limit on the human body. I once read that human beings had evolved to live between 50 and 60 years, but 20th Century science and medicine had extended lifespans to 80+ years. About a year ago I looked back at males in my family. My father and my two grandfathers lived into their early 80s so I concluded I might have another decade. What I failed to consider is longevity on the female side of the family. My mom died at 78. Her mother at 77. Mom's sister at the very young age of 44. Seems my genetics line up more with the females of the Reeves/Tyndall families.

 

All this to say I don't know how many more entries there will be. I began writing this to help myself. I wanted to be clear about what I was doing and how I was feeling. I also wanted to advocate for MAiD (Medical Assistance in Dying) which I believe has given Canadians a compassionate end-of-life choice. We have been helping our animals and pets end their suffering. Now we can help ourselves. MAiD is not for everyone, but for those suffering a terminal illness, it is a human and humane ending. I believe there are proper protections built in to the process that will prevent misuse. But, as I've said before, it is legislation and not currently a human right so a political party with a different agenda could rescind it. 

 

What I did not expect when I began writing are all the stories about how we worked together. I am immensely grateful for what you have shared with me and with each other. What has happened is that we have created a temporary community that spreads across Canada and out into places around the globe. It intersects with many different languages, cultures, and peoples. 

 

I have a few other things I'm hoping to post including my reflections on leadership, but I just don't know how much time and energy I have left.

 

Thanks again for sharing.

Comments

  1. UnknownNovember 1, 2022 at 11:03 AM

    Hey Craig - I want to wish you Bon Voyage! on your journey.
    On November 19, 2018, I was there when my friend Herb used the California version of MAID to leave this mortal realm. He chose the Thanksgiving weekend. The experience was moving and peaceful, but also disturbing and challenging in terms of the norms those present had grown up with in this highly death-averse and affluent society. I salute your courage and vision. You and Mary and your whole family are in my thoughts and prayers at this time of saying farewells and waiting for a new beginning.
    If you cross paths with my late godmother, Kath Hallett, say hello from PEI. Kath died in Wales on Wednesday, October 26 at the age of 96...she went willingly and with joy. Enjoy every moment! Lobie

    ReplyDelete
  2. KimNovember 7, 2022 at 11:16 PM

    I wanted to wish you the best as you end this journey, and move to the next.

    I too have sarcoidosis, and it has been a long and painful journey. While has not taken my quality of life (and I hope it never does again), I think i may understand some of your struggle. I too looked into the MAID program, to see if i could qualify, in case I needed it.

    Thank you for sharing your story of courage. I can see that you will be deeply missed, and those whose lives you touched will be forever greatful. I am grateful.

    Let's hope that in our next lives, there is no sarcoidosis.

    Wishing you a wonderful and peaceful journey.
    XOXO

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Counting

  It’s feels strange to be counting the rest of my life in weeks and days and curling games on TV. While we haven’t finalized the date for MAiD we are aiming for early November. Some examples… Last week, confirmation of my cataract surgery arrived by mail with a date later in November. Nope. I won’t be here for that. A couple of days ago, a friend and former colleague dropped off some cookies and stayed for a brief visit. She said she would be out of province for about six weeks. As she was leaving, she said she would see me later. Nope. I won’t be here when you get back. The other evening I was asked why I was staying up so late. I replied that I was watching a women’s curling game and for me there were just a few games left in my life to watch so I was staying up. And all of a sudden it doesn’t feel as if there is enough time to make sure all the other things are looked after. One major item has been checked off the list: organizing and pre-paying for cremation. All I needed was ...
6 comments
Read more

After the Transplant Doctor Consultation

Last Friday started sunny and calm outside. Inside, another story. Getting out of bed is very difficult most days. It takes a lot of energy and oxygen to get myself going. This morning I found myself in a coughing loop. The more I coughed, the lower my blood oxygen level dropped. Coughing is physically exhausting. After being unable to stop coughing, I switched from the concentrator to a tank of oxygen which gives me purer O2 and helps break the coughing loop. It worked, but I had used a lot of physical energy. I only have so much and I needed to save some for my meeting with a doctor from the transplant team at Toronto General Hospital. The meeting started late because the video conferencing app Microsoft Teams didn’t work. [surprise, surprise; btw I hate MS Teams] We finally got the audio portion working, but the doctor could not see us. We could see her and we could hear each other. The first 30 minutes or so was the doctor exploring my health history. I’m getting very good at telli...
2 comments
Read more