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My Disease; Time To Own It

I have pulmonary fibrosis (PF). It’s a disease that damages and scars lung tissue making it more difficult to process oxygen. As the fibrosis worsens, it becomes harder to breathe. I worsened rapidly back in March. The simplest activities caused me to become short of breath. I simply couldn’t catch my breath after making the bed or taking the green bin to the roadside.

 

I’m better, but I guess I’ll never be going back to the way I could breathe. Take care of your lungs. You’ll miss them when they stop working for you. I was a smoker for over twenty years. I did not look after my lungs. And even though there is not a direct link between PF and smoking, it likely didn’t do my lungs any good.

 

When I was at my worst at the end of March, I couldn’t even complete a tai chi set; not even the first 17 moves. I’ve recovered so that I can do the whole set of 108 moves, but I have to move very slowly. I still sometimes am panting by the time I’m through the kicks section.

 

I used to walk 4 km, easily. I have myself back up to 2 km, but it’s such an effort. I have go very slowly and any inclines up cause me to stop half way to catch my breath.

 

I wasn’t sure I would be able to walk over the dunes and down to the Lake Run, but I’ve done it three times now. It’s an effort and I often start to walk to quickly causing me to be out of breath. Hell, it doesn’t take much to make me breathless.

 

And then there is the persistent dry cough. Sometimes it comes after I have walked. The cough comes on me after talking too much or laughing. Nin Jiom helps a little. Scotch works better, but I can’t be drinking that if I have to drive.

 

Fortunately, I have been able to continue to drive. I’m sitting still with minimal physical exertion so it’s easy to do. If I drive somewhere to go for a walk, I have to sit in the car for five minutes to catch my breath when I get back.

 

And while I am trying to own the PF, I also know I’m in denial about it. It helps me to push myself to walk and play tai chi. I have to keep working what lung capacity I have left.

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