Fewer than three weeks away from the end of my life and I’m asking myself how am I doing.
As I am trying to live in the moment as much as is possible, I can say I’m doing alright. I can’t help myself when my mind wanders to contemplate that just after four in the afternoon in early November there will be no more me. In this brain which is always crackling with thought energy there will be nothing. An emptiness. It’s hard to wrap my head around it.
I think this is how and why some find comfort in the concept of an afterlife. They say to themselves, “surely this can’t be it“. But I think it is. We have one chance at life and if there is something after, it’s not who we were, if that makes sense. I can also see why people believe in miracles. They hope and hope that something supernatural will occur and magically they will be cured or returned to a previous state of better health.
I’m not frightened of what will be coming. In many ways, the end will be a relief. No more desperate gasping for oxygen. I really can’t do anything for myself anymore. Someone has to help me with almost everything. So, as much as I would like to be around to volunteer for the 2023 Canada Games or to attend the 50th anniversary of CKCU-FM in 2025, it’s not going to happen. I have accepted that.
What I am somewhat relieved about is not dying of some kind of dementia as both of my grandfathers did. Or some kind of cancer as my father, my two grandmothers, and my aunt did. My mother died of pulmonary fibrosis and she did not have a medically assisted death as a choice. She would have taken that choice rather than suffocate as she did at the end.
I’m not afraid of death. It is a natural part of the cycle of life. We are born. We live. We die. It’s what you do with the middle part of that sandwich that matters to me. And now that MAiD (Medical Assistance in Dying) is an option, under very strict criteria, we have some control at the end of our lives. As I have said a number of times over the past few months, MAiD has been legislated. It is not currently a human right. Another political party with a different agenda could reverse that legislation. For those of us who believe in this choice, it is important that we speak, publicly, in favour of it. My days of public affirmation of MAiD are slipping away. My hope is that those of you who also think this is an important end-of-life choice will carry on supporting MAiD.
The past few weeks have been quite joyful and energizing for me. The feedback I have received from my blogging; the stories of our individual interactions; the reminiscences of how we met or how your life changed as a result of something I did or said; the chances I gave to people either through hiring or other opportunities have all come to make my heart full and my spirits uplifted. It has been a living wake. Thank you.
Dear Mr. Mackie, You probably don’t know me, however in response to reading your article in yesterday’s paper concerning your decision to opt for end-of-life assistance, I am moved to lovingly prompt you to also decide to get your ticket for the journey to another place, that place is called Heaven. There was a thief hanging next to Jesus on the cross and as he was about to die with Jesus, he asked Jesus how do I get to heaven by saying “remember me when you go into your kingdom” and Jesus answered him and said “today you will be with me in paradise” and of course paradise is that far away country that you refer to as another place. What worked for the thief works for all who asks. God loves you that’s a fact. This is respectfully submitted to you for your consideration. Life is full of decisions, I sincerely pray you would act upon this decision. Respectfully yours
ReplyDeleteEd Doiron
69 Andrews Court
Charlottetown, PE
C1C 1A8
Phone 902-566-9212
Craig,
ReplyDeleteI just felt the need to comment but for once words escape me but I’ll try to get it out.
I loss two husbands to cancer (2004, 2008). Both laid in palliative care wishing to die, one for two months. “Why can we help our pets have a pain free end to life but I have to suffer?” Yes, that is what one said daily. I’m so relieved that today, we are able to have the choice to “die with dignity”.
And Craig, there is an afterlife. To what extent I do not know but I do know that my one husband was guided those last weeks by loved ones gone before him. He spoke of their appearances those last couple weeks, right up to the time his grandmother came to get him and he was gone a few short hours later.
Craig, I wish nothing but peace and love for you, your family and friends. May you know that your memory will not only live on with those whose lives you touched in person but also by those of us who were privileged to be part of your journey2anotherplace.
Blessings, Lynne
When I come to the end of the road
DeleteAnd the sun has set for me
I want no tears in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free
For this is a journey we all must take
And each must go alone
It's all a part of the masters plan
A step on the road to home
Miss me a little but not for long
Not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me but let me go
But remember my songs now and then
Hear the tunes that set me free
And have a glass, close your eyes my beloved
Know I'll be what you need
Miss me a little but not for long
Not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me but let me go
Miss me a little but not for long
Not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me but let me go
Miss me but let me go
I didn't mean to publish that anonymously. It's Dave Stewart here.
ReplyDelete