The Last 15 Hours in Hospital

It has been an interesting 15 hours. Last night, at about 10 o’clock, I was moved out of the ER area and into the paediatrics unit. I have had several more tests and an echocardiogram this morning. And then a nurse arrived in my room wearing PPE and announced that I had tested positive for parainfluenza. It’s one of those bad news, sort of good news moments. Bad that I have influenza, but good that they now know what's attacking me. They are now trying to figure out where to isolate me. The hospital is overcrowded and understaffed. I'll just be the patient patient. I know they will continue to look after me in the best way they can. I'll update once I know more.

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Counting

It’s feels strange to be counting the rest of my life in weeks and days and curling games on TV. While we haven’t finalized the date for MAiD we are aiming for early November. Some examples… Last week, confirmation of my cataract surgery arrived by mail with a date later in November. Nope. I won’t be here for that. A couple of days ago, a friend and former colleague dropped off some cookies and stayed for a brief visit. She said she would be out of province for about six weeks. As she was leaving, she said she would see me later. Nope. I won’t be here when you get back. The other evening I was asked why I was staying up so late. I replied that I was watching a women’s curling game and for me there were just a few games left in my life to watch so I was staying up. And all of a sudden it doesn’t feel as if there is enough time to make sure all the other things are looked after. One major item has been checked off the list: organizing and pre-paying for cremation. All I needed was ...

After the Transplant Doctor Consultation

Last Friday started sunny and calm outside. Inside, another story. Getting out of bed is very difficult most days. It takes a lot of energy and oxygen to get myself going. This morning I found myself in a coughing loop. The more I coughed, the lower my blood oxygen level dropped. Coughing is physically exhausting. After being unable to stop coughing, I switched from the concentrator to a tank of oxygen which gives me purer O2 and helps break the coughing loop. It worked, but I had used a lot of physical energy. I only have so much and I needed to save some for my meeting with a doctor from the transplant team at Toronto General Hospital. The meeting started late because the video conferencing app Microsoft Teams didn’t work. [surprise, surprise; btw I hate MS Teams] We finally got the audio portion working, but the doctor could not see us. We could see her and we could hear each other. The first 30 minutes or so was the doctor exploring my health history. I’m getting very good at telli...

Time is running out

The sand in the hourglass measuring the remaining time in my life is running out. The past couple of days have been very difficult. My energy is low. My breathing more laboured. I have by times felt nauseous at the thought of eating. Overall I have never felt so weak. My body is shutting down. ------------------------ "The mystery of life isn't a problem to solve , but a reality to experience." Frank Herbert, Dune ------------------------ I know there is a time limit on the human body. I once read that human beings had evolved to live between 50 and 60 years, but 20th Century science and medicine had extended lifespans to 80+ years. About a year ago I looked back at males in my family. My father and my two grandfathers lived into their early 80s so I concluded I might have another decade. What I failed to consider is longevity on the female side of the family. My mom died at 78. Her mother at 77. Mom's sister at the very young age of 44. Seems my genetics line...

Journey to Another Place

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