Journey to Another Place

The sand in the hourglass measuring the remaining time in my life is running out.   The past couple of days have been very difficult. My energy is low. My breathing more laboured. I have by times felt nauseous at the thought of eating. Overall I have never felt so weak. My body is shutting down.   ------------------------ "The mystery of life isn't a problem to  solve , but a reality to experience." Frank Herbert, Dune ------------------------   I know there is a time limit on the human body. I once read that human beings had evolved to live between 50 and 60 years, but 20th Century science and medicine had extended lifespans to 80+ years. About a year ago I looked back at males in my family. My father and my two grandfathers lived into their early 80s so I concluded I might have another decade. What I failed to consider is longevity on the female side of the family. My mom died at 78. Her mother at 77. Mom's sister at the very young age of 44. Seems my genetics line

 Found this promotional still from a never-released slo-action film titled The Tai Chi Gambit. Early reviews described it as a real sleeper.

 

I have been humbled to have my name and memory honoured in a couple of unexpected ways this week. And these have made my living wake even more special. The Board of Directors of IRSA (Immigrant & Refugee Services Association) PEI, formerly Newcomers, has decided to re-name the annual financial awards for students at Holland College and UPEI, the Craig Mackie Newcomer Scholarship. They have increased the annual amount from $500 to $1,000. These awards are granted to students who go above and beyond good academics and make meaningful contributions to the wider community through volunteering. Here is the announcement from Holland College:  https://hollandcollege.academicworks.ca/donors/30   The members of my old curling team (and I do mean old  😉 ) will once again be representing Prince Edward Island at the Canadian National Masters Curling Championships in Winnipeg starting in mid-November. The team will be wearing a patch on their team jackets with my initials, CM, on it. I wish th

  Natalie, Ian, Craig - Back Then and More Recently Days away from my date with death, I am even surprising myself. I don't feel afraid. I don't really feel much of anything except a distant sense of relief.   I can feel myself becoming progressively weaker. Taking just  a few steps with the support of the walker is tiring. I need increasing amounts of oxygen. My at-rest flow rate is up to 11 L/m. A week ago it was 10. I now have two concentrators paired with a Y-tube in order to give me enough oxygen. If I experience a sudden drop in blood-oxygen level, I need both an oxygen tank and the twinned concentrators and go through a desperate gasping for breath to catch up. The drugs I'm taking are causing skin problems, facial swelling, and brutal dry-mouth to say nothing about difficulties with urination (oh look, I said something about it [ha]). I'm nearing 20 pounds weight loss. Some of the drugs are also making me gap in and out of reality (not such a bad thing sometimes

Fewer than three weeks away from the end of my life and I’m asking myself how am I doing.   As I am trying to live in the moment as much as is possible, I can say I’m doing alright. I can’t help myself when my mind wanders to contemplate that just after four in the afternoon in early November there will be no more me. In this brain which is always crackling with thought energy there will be nothing. An emptiness. It’s hard to wrap my head around it.   I think this is how and why some find comfort in the concept of an afterlife. They say to themselves, “surely this can’t be it“. But I think it is. We have one chance at life and if there is something after, it’s not who we were, if that makes sense. I can also see why people believe in miracles. They hope and hope that something supernatural will occur and magically they will be cured or returned to a previous state of better health.   I’m not frightened of what will be coming. In many ways, the end will be a relief. No more desperate ga

This note came from a friend via Messenger: Hi Craig, I have been meaning to write to you yet struggling to find the words. I have been following your journey closely and my admiration for you continues to grow. So I finally decided to just write, thinking the words would come. Somehow, they still fail me but I'll do my best. When I moved to Canada almost two decades ago, you were among the first people I met. I visited you at CBC where you gave me a tour and chatted with me about my dreams of someday working in radio. You told me about college programs, made calls, helped me apply. And thus, the trajectory of my Canadian adventure changed. It turned into my Canadian life instead. So many wonderful things happened to me, so many great friendships, some of the very best in fact, were formed as a direct result of meeting you. Throughout the next couple of decades, our paths would continue to cross regularly, most consistently at Starbucks. It was always so great to see you come in on

 We're delighted to have my brother Ian and my sister-in-law Kim visiting from the left coast. Ian pushed the wheelchair as they walked me along the banks of the Hillsborough River near the hospital.

 

  Is there anything that sounds sweeter than the gurgle of a happy baby? That’s what I awoke hearing after a brief afternoon nap. Jenn White and her one-year-old baby, Wyndham, had come by for a visit with Mary. Lying in bed listening to Wyndy Jim, as she calls him, gurgle and giggle brought a smile to my face and for a few moments helped me forget how ill I am.   Having a few weeks before undergoing the MAiD procedure gives me time to do a number of things that I wouldn’t be able to accomplish if my death had been sudden. One of those things is to divest myself of certain possessions. I have many things I have accumulated over my life that have meaning and more sentimental value than financial. I have begun to give away some of my stuff to people I care about and who I know will appreciate that object in their lives. Another one of those giveaway moments happened during Wyn’s visit.   I have had a bongo drum for a number of years that I purchased at a Wild Impulse fall sale. I’d bring

 I miss curling. It was an important part of my life for most of my life. I started playing at 14. I was a competitive curler for 53 years and I had the honour of representing PEI at six national championships. I curled with many different people in three territories and four provinces. Curling is a sport you can play socially, recreationally, semi-competitively, and very competitively right to the Olympics. Every game starts by shaking hands with team you're about to play wishing them good luck and good game. It ends same same way by shaking hands and thanking the opposition for a good game. You never lose in curling because you either win the game or you win a drink with the winning team buying. Unlike most sports, there are no on-ice officials. When a rule is broken, the curlers admit it and the appropriate action is taken. Honesty, fairness, respect are all part of the game, but it is also intensely competitive. Unlike most team sports where you have outstanding play by one or

  For the first time in forty-seven days, that’s right, 47 days, I was outside for almost an hour. I love being outdoors. But since August 23, just before I went back into hospital, I have not been outside except for going to and from medical appointments. On a fine, sunny October afternoon that felt very much like fall, Mary and Scott took me for a walk along the Victoria Park boardwalk. I was in a wheelchair and with tank of oxygen, but I was outside. The sun on my face, the cool westerly off the water, the sound of ducks and geese and gulls all made for an uplifting adventure. I hadn’t felt this good in many days. After we travelled the boardwalk down to the lighthouse and back, I didn’t know whether I’d be down for a serious nap or what. Turned out all that fresh air had a given me a good appetite. We are now looking for another place to walk a wheelchair. Suggestions are most welcome.

I love taking photos. It is something I miss in my deteriorating condition. Taking pictures got me outside where I would rather be. Sometimes I would take pix to document something going on, but mostly I took photos of the incredible beauty of this Island. I am in constant awe of how powerfully beautiful PEI is through night and days, through four seasons and through twelve months. As I can’t get out much anymore I’ll be going back through years of photos and selecting some of my favourites. This photo is from a sunset on the best beach in the world, Lakeside. As so often happened, I was photobombed by a gull. Makes for a better picture.

 There is one regret I have; that I will never call a #curling game. With an explosion of games online and with my experience as an on-air radio host, I thought I would make a decent curling commentator, but I guess Vic and Rob can rest easy. I won’t be coming for their jobs.

  It’s feels strange to be counting the rest of my life in weeks and days and curling games on TV. While we haven’t finalized the date for MAiD we are aiming for early November. Some examples… Last week, confirmation of my cataract surgery arrived by mail with a date later in November. Nope. I won’t be here for that. A couple of days ago, a friend and former colleague dropped off some cookies and stayed for a brief visit. She said she would be out of province for about six weeks. As she was leaving, she said she would see me later. Nope. I won’t be here when you get back. The other evening I was asked why I was staying up so late. I replied that I was watching a women’s curling game and for me there were just a few games left in my life to watch so I was staying up. And all of a sudden it doesn’t feel as if there is enough time to make sure all the other things are looked after. One major item has been checked off the list: organizing and pre-paying for cremation. All I needed was for

Thank you for all your good wishes to help me along the way in the final part of my journey. It has been overwhelming to remember along with you our connectedness and how in some way I was able to help you, lift you up, or work side by side to make things happen. No matter who I worked with, I always tried to find the best in people. In my mind, I wanted to know what you’re good at, what you can bring to the team, because working from strength builds and encourages others to see people in the same way. Over the coming days, I will be posting random memories and thoughts about my life. I have realized that I didn’t start out with any particular philosophy about being a manager or a leader, but over time my choices and decisions had a pattern. Your comments and memories have triggered more than a few stories I’d like to share. Some are very personal and I’ll communicate one-to-one via Messenger. Thanks again for your heartfelt sharing. My spirit is positively bursting.

Last Friday started sunny and calm outside. Inside, another story. Getting out of bed is very difficult most days. It takes a lot of energy and oxygen to get myself going. This morning I found myself in a coughing loop. The more I coughed, the lower my blood oxygen level dropped. Coughing is physically exhausting. After being unable to stop coughing, I switched from the concentrator to a tank of oxygen which gives me purer O2 and helps break the coughing loop. It worked, but I had used a lot of physical energy. I only have so much and I needed to save some for my meeting with a doctor from the transplant team at Toronto General Hospital. The meeting started late because the video conferencing app Microsoft Teams didn’t work. [surprise, surprise; btw I hate MS Teams] We finally got the audio portion working, but the doctor could not see us. We could see her and we could hear each other. The first 30 minutes or so was the doctor exploring my health history. I’m getting very good at telli